Results of a recent Law Society survey reveal that WA lawyers are considering leaving the profession as budget cuts bite.
Driven by competitive pressures from US firms, WA practitioners report being hit where it hurts, starting with caffeine. “They’ve taken away 30 per cent of our coffee machines, citing rising maintenance costs,” said a senior associate at HSFK. “Now I have to walk several offices away to the nearest machine, which takes six minutes there and back. After five coffees, I’m looking at an extra half an hour per day just to make up my billables.”
An anonymous source at Minters tells a similar story. “They’ve taken the bin out of my office to save on cleaning. I have to go all the way to the kitchen just to get rid of my rice-paper roll packaging. What is this, Legal Aid?”
Michelle Knickerjet SC, eminent human rights barrister, has offered her support to practitioners on a pro bono basis. “This is yet more evidence that WA needs a Human Rights Act as a matter of urgency. I mean, what good is a right to disconnect if you don’t even have the right to your own bin?”
Knickerjet is looking at launching a class action on behalf of all WA lawyers affected. “This is going to be huge. I might even consider coming over from Sydney for this.”
Meanwhile, the pressure for budget cuts is also building in the public sector. The Office of the Auditor General has named WA’s Department of Justice as its latest victim. “Have you seen their budget for treasury tags?” asked a staffer. “I mean, what even is a treasury tag? Can’t they just get them from Treasury?”
A source close to the Auditor General confirmed that the Department’s budget for post-it flags was next in the firing line, suggesting that Department lawyers “just turn down the corner of the page like normal people”.
This follows earlier reports that budget-reduction measures are also underway in the courts. Some lawyers are pleased, praising the Government’s decision to stop paying security staff as significantly streamlining the process for entering court buildings.
But others think that removing all the cups to save washing-up is a step too far. “I have to bring in a sippy bottle from home,” explained the Hon Justice Dearth of the District Court. “It’s demeaning. Do I look like a pro athlete? No, I don’t, I look like a judge.”
In response, an unnamed Magistrate in the Broome Courthouse said, “They give you cups in Perth?”
Budget cuts are expected to continue.
Disclaimer: This is satire, just in case you were about to write a complaint letter.
