Human beings are hard-wired with a negativity bias as part of our stress response. It’s said we are the descendants of nervous apes – relaxed apes did not live long enough to procreate.
The negativity bias was part of the “alert system”, always on the lookout for danger, change, and the unexpected. When triggered, a stress response would occur. Being tuned to danger meant you took steps to spot the problem and fix it, or prevent it from happening.
While we are rarely in true physical danger these days, our brains and bodies are still programmed with this stress response, which can fire off when there is a “social threat” or a threat to our ego or identity.
A consequence of the stress response is the negativity bias. Our systems can be overwhelmed and prevent us from seeing clearly. We react quickly and/or emotionally and get defensive. This can lead to a limited ability to focus, rumination, catastrophic thinking, and underestimating our resources.
This short video captures the negativity bias quite succinctly and gives us some guidance about what to do to get out of the downward spiral.
(Credit: “Locating Yourself: A Key to Conscious Leadership” from The Conscious Leadership Group)
Although they use the word “leadership” a few times, this is not just about leaders. We all have times when we go below the line and find ourselves clinging to an opinion (right or wrong); finding fault in others or deflecting blame from ourselves; rationalising and justifying what we are doing, saying, or thinking (we don’t want to be wrong); getting overwhelmed; and avoiding conflict or pursuing conflict for the sake of winning.
It’s not hard to see how detrimental this can be to us working with each other, our clients and the other side to deliver effective legal services.
How can we apply mindfulness and emotional intelligence principles to help get back above the line?
First, start by developing a practice of settling the mind. It’s much easier to “catch the moment” and notice when you are going below the line when you take time each day to settle the mind. Try a 10-minute mindfulness practice first thing in the morning, before you start work. Here are some options
- Insight Timer is a well-known app with tonnes of free content, including from the Search Inside Yourself Institute. Easy to upload and use, just plug in a search word/terms and away you go.
- Try a few apps. Go to your app store and search for “meditation” or “mindfulness” and see what comes up. Headspace, Smiling Mind, Calm, Meditation Oasis … the list goes on.
- Here are some guided mediations on the SIYL website.
Second, when you notice you are going “below the line”, try the STOP practice before reacting.
- Stop
- Take a breath
- Observe: where am I operating from?
- Proceed: before you react or make any decision in the heat of the moment, ask yourself: am I trying to “fix” the situation or am I open to another perspective?
Third, if you are below the line but need to have a conversation with someone, how can you prepare?
- If you are focussed on winning and being right, then you shut down and aren’t open to other ideas
- It feels like you need to be in control or things will spiral out of control
- I’ve recorded a short meditation where you visualise the conversation from “below the line” and then “above the line” which only takes a few minutes but gets you in the right mindset. I’ve loaded it to SoundCloud here.
Fourth, develop a gratitude practice. When we are “below the line”, we think there is not enough time, money, energy, space, or love. It’s possible to shift out of this mindset with daily gratitude practice and here are some ideas
- Start a gratitude journal in hardcopy or in your phone/ipad/notebook. Need a few ideas then Google e.g. Gratitude: The Life Blog for 101 Gratitude Journal Prompts
- Use a gratitude app. I use “Morning!” as I can set a time for a notification to come up and remind me to fill out the prompts. But there are many free options. Check your App Store
- Some people like to incorporate a gratitude practice with the evening meal.
In the video, our narrator says that when we are “above the line”, then at a distance everything is funny. I’m not so sure about that for lawyers and their clients. But the rest of the “above the line” way of being is very beneficial.
Surely, we want to be open and curious so we don’t jump to conclusions or get overly defensive of our position. When we listen deeply, we learn more and create rapport and trust. If we speak unarguably, we are sticking with the facts and not drifting off to the stories we (or our clients) might be clinging to. Being able to separate facts from stories is a powerful step towards consciousness.
While this article has mostly focussed on the legal work and interaction with others in the workplace, it’s clear that being “above the line” is good for our wellbeing. Approaching life and work with optimism, curiosity and joy creates a way of being that is sustainable. The impact on our mental and physical health when we are in a constant state of stress has been well documented.
