- Venue: Tiisch Cafe, Perth
- Cost: $82pp
- We loved: The on-point company
- We weren’t expecting: It to be memorable for all the wrong reasons
The Three Amigas are long-standing, self-appointed afternoon-tea experts and, with such extensive experience (and even more prosecco), we’ve narrowed a standout high tea down to three universal essentials:
- Ambience
- Menu
- Company
Sadly, Tiisch scored only one out of three stars on our visit – and that lone star was for the company, which is always flawless.
To be fair, we’ll award a generous half-star for service: the staff were genuinely friendly and knew their stuff.
Now … let’s spill the tea.
First impressions last
Tiisch sits on Hay Street in the Perth CBD, which is usually a win. The Amigas like a post-tea debrief, and this stretch is prime for exactly that – with The Melbourne, The Stables and City Beer Hall all temptingly close. So far, so fabulous.
But as we turned onto Hay Street, our first red flag appeared: a crowd milling outside the venue. The Amigas are not anti-social – we love people … in moderation. But “cheek-to-jowl sardine jam”? Absolutely not. A fully packed café usually means a kitchen under pressure, and, well, foreshadowing is everything.
Ambience: café by name, café by nature
Tiisch is a café. A bright café, yes – but still a café. Think timber chairs, timber tables, timber floors. Plants doing their best. But overall? A little soulless. A bit meh.
The acoustics were the real villain: hard surfaces meant a constant echo chamber, forcing the Amigas to raise our usual stage-whisper gossip to full-voice commentary. Quelle horreur.
Drinks: one bottle at a time, please
We ordered the free-flow classic: prosecco. Tiisch uses Zilzie from the Murray Darling (VIC). Perfectly fine, but hardly inspiring.
Our excellent waitress informed us of the house rule: absolutely no double-parking – only one bottle on the table at a time. Of course. Naturally. We’re very civilised.
Then we glanced over and saw the table of two next to us with four espresso martinis. Go figure.
Food: gets the job done, but it’s not pretty
Afternoon-tea menus can be playful, inventive, modern and the Amigas are hardly traditionalists (see: Afternoon Tea, reimagined). But cheeseburgers, grilled steak sandwiches and gnocchi don’t exactly whisper “refined indulgence”. They barely mumble it.
The food was … fine. Just fine.
Our orders arrived surprisingly quickly for such a packed venue, which made us suspect some pre-prep ramping in the kitchen. Soggy patches on burger and panini buns confirmed our suspicions. Another red flag.
Dessert – a shared salted caramel chocolate cake was more raw vegan slice than decadent treat. And with that, the Amigas and Tiisch officially parted ways.
The Amigas never surrender
We’re nothing if not tenacious, so we soldiered on, escaped the café, and headed straight to The Stables for a proper debrief and a bottle of Chandon Brut that finally set the afternoon right. Now we were talking.
Final verdict
If you’re new to bottomless adventures, don’t start with Tiisch. It’s uninspiring and underwhelming, with ambience issues and more red flags than a reality-TV reunion special.
There are plenty of Perth venues offering afternoon tea with charm, style, personality – and without the soggy buns.
The Amigas will continue the search. Stay tuned.
Disclaimer: The reviewer was not paid for this review, which has been conducted without the involvement of the venue.
